A friend of mine recently prayed for, "God's presence to be dripping from our lives." I LOVE THAT. The imagery of God just pouring out of everything we do. That is how I want to live my life. However, right now, I am stuck in a rut. How do I live my life to where it's dripping God's presence when I am stuck in the darkness?
I think God's presence is dripping from my life, but only where I can see it. Some people may think that's the wrong way to do Christianity, but I don't really think you can say that. When I say that it's only where I can see it, I mean that in the pits of my depression, where everything seems hopeless and all I want to do is die, God is the person I am crying out to. Granted, I am probably crying out to Him because He isn't going to give me an answer like "oh I know what you're going through because one time my dog died." Regardless of reasoning though, I am crying out to Him. I am crying out to Him because I know for a fact He is listening and sending me peace and comfort that only He can provide. It's the worst nights when I feel God's presence dripping from my life. The nights where I am alone and crying out to Him in the loudest possible way. That is where I find God's presence in my depression.
To answer the question some of you may be asking, no, I do not cry out to Him every single time I am in the pits. Sometimes I am mad at Him and blaming Him for putting me there, but if you haven't been mad at someone, how good is your relationship really? When I am not leaning on God and crying out to Him, I know He is still going to provide a shoulder for me to cry on. I think that is when He allows people to pour their filling of God into me. And in those moments when I am sobbing hysterically to a friend and asking "Why is this happening to me? Why can't I just be normal again?" I think THAT is when God's presence is dripping from their life. When they are sitting and crying with me and not telling me that everything is going to be okay because they can't promise me that, but just listening and hugging me. I think that is how God is dripping from my life through my depression. Through other people. Through friends that are not going to leave me just because I am a crazy mess, but friends that are going to call my mom when they think something is wrong with me. Friends that are going to tell me I am not going crazy. Friends that are going to treat me exactly the same.
I think that in the pits of depression, when crying out to God seems to do nothing, calling on your true friends is where you find God's presence overflowing and waiting to fill you back up.
dear one,
ReplyDeletei think the timing of your niece's birth is no accident.
and as you sit and hold her tenderly while she sleeps
or, more especially when she is inconsolable.
keep that in your heart's pocket - that is how God loves on you,
how He holds you through it all - and how He will help bring you
to a firmer ground.
and the light display against the dark - will be even more brilliant.
that is something Ann Voscamp recently put on her page.
check it out.
hug, prayer and love; the name of a new band perhaps???
patti g